imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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