I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
