it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
