if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
