I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
