Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
