I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
