I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
