It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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