I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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