How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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