i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
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