my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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