she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
