The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
