Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
