This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
