I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
