if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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