I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
