I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
