Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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