He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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