she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
