Walk of Shame. In a state park.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
