I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
