Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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