what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize