I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
