I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
