I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
