when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize