It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
