Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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