My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
