I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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