i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
