so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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