Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
