hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
