My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
