Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
