i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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