I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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