Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
