There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
