I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
