I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
