This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
