i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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