During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Randomize
