i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
