She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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