Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I have aggressive nipples.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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