Your face is a jimmy john
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
