I must be too annoying 4 u.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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