what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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