There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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