Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
