this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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