I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
