is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
