Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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