we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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