I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
