Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
