u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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