just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
