Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
