it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
