just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
