so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
