I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Semen is not good for contacts.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
