What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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