it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
