Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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