My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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