Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
